Preshow Cocktail: Oil Fire!


Dan-te’s Inferno (7-3, 4 Floods, 9 pt. end) Although his 8-1 firestrom at Hals’ was cooled by a tepid 2-3 singles night against the Snipper, it is clear that Dan is on fire again. We need not remind you of the charred land that resulted when Dan threw gasoline on October and burned straight through early November last year. 24-3 from 10/6 to 11/3 in case you forgot. This blaze is a fading campfire by comparison and there are far better firefighters around this year, but Smokey’s right that “only you cna prevent forest fires.”
Midnight Owen (5-5, 3 Hangers) “The time has come to say fair’s fair, to pay the rent, to pay our share!” It appears that Zulu is a warrior after all. Historically dismissed as a swerving socialite with a wristy poo flick, the former Afri-goner is now rising like a “desert oak” from “out where the river broke.” This week’s definitive calling out of all fathers has cast a tall shadow over the outback. Evidently, Owen will not sleep until this week’s demands are met. But then again, how could he sleep, what with his bed burning and all.
Martino Andretti (4-6, 3 Hangers, 8-pt end) Dent in the chassis? Lugnuts loosening? Top fuel eliminator replaced by a Team Yugo crew van?  Nope. While others will pray this recent dip is a let off, the truth is that the resoulte EBMB is more likely now than ever to put the pedal down. He’s already lapped the field a few times, so let’s chalk this last ten up as a slow, confident pitstop. Expect new tires and a full tank on Tuesday. Martin’s got a formula and it’s name is “one”.
The Slingshalen Effect (4-6, Hanger, 8-pt end) Put the puck in the slingshot and pull it back. Way back to the tune of 5 straight losses on your favorite table. Hold it there and wait a week and let’er rip. Sure, Dan was all the rage last week, but Scrappy outplayed everyone he faced, his only loss coming when his partner gave up 11 points on a 0-12 shutout. He also is the only father entering the night with a mutli-game win streak. Still, at a mere 42.5% on the year, a slingshot is likely not enough. In the land of minus, god loves the any plus, but the small-rock attack will only go so far. Scrappy better start building a better launcher. Maybe one that slings cannon balls?
BareLee Know Him (4-6, Double Hanger, 3 Hangers, Flood, 8-pt. end) This last 10 is ancient, as we have not seen Lee for some time. Who knows whether we’ll see him this week and what he will bring to the table. Sure, this Fosbury rarely flops, but the forest has grown since his last visit. Safe pucks? Unthreadable needles? Let’s just say the unthrown hammer gathers no moss. I guess we’ll just wait and see if BareLee can navigate this new maze of tall trees.
Davideo (4-6, Flood) You know in Scooby Doo when the kids find out the ghosts that they have been seeing are really just video projections by that grumpy farmer who hated the meddling kids? With recent scarce attendance, I’m beginning to have my suspicions about Davideo. After a strong 4-2 night in early May, we haven’t seen hide nor hare of them. If he does come out, I’m gonna take a close look. If he isn’t a projection, I’ll bet he’s just Old Man McHenry in a hippie mask.
Que Gerard, Gerard, Wahtever He’ll Be, He’ll Be (2-8, Shutout, Hanger, 8=pt. end) Joining up for the Superfunderbar and re-impressing us all that the cool casualness of a perpetual contender, Gerard now has enough game under his belt to be added to the last-10 list without asterisk. He may not win much, but he’s always got more than enough tickets to the laissez-faire.
Scott in a Trap, He Can’t Hold Back (2-8, Hanger) Trap maybe a bit harsh, but the impressive 2010 run seems to have found a snag. Diligent attempts to right a wrong night last week went sour in a hurry. Rule #1: Do not get baited into staying after to play singles with an assassin. Still, the game has got its hooks deep into him, and Scott will surely be back in the river again this week. However, it appears his route is an upstream battle from now on.