Preshow Cocktail: Shay Guevara

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Shay Guevara (8-2, 4 Hangers, 2 Shutouts) Viva la Revolucion! Fighting for the rights of the downtrodden, Senor Guevara has made great strides for his cause as of late. With nothing to lose and everything to gain, he has managed to upset the balance of power just enough to require his words to be taken seriously. Like any complicated struggle, it remains to be seen if the recent advances represent meaningful change or merely an anomaly waiting to be brought back into line by some hegemonic oversight committee. Let’s just say he has recognized the uphill nature of the battle and has thrived in the role of diligent lead climber.

Martino Acid (8-2, Hanger) Much like the building blocks in the biological world, the EBMB keeps adding muscle on the bone. Despite periods of atrophy over the past three Tuesdays, his alternative night record represents a linked linear chain of winning that is truly substantial. Sure, he has has not been able to quite maintain his protein-packed bulk up of early in the year, but this body of work is big and getting bigger. He might only weigh 160 in real life, but we will soon have to build a new scale to measure his shuffleboard weight. Oh yeah, he just won his 100th game of the 2010 season. By comparison, he didn’t reach 100 wins until December 8th in 2009. Call it Christmas in June or whatever, but that feat is simply miraculous. If one was looking for a downside, they would point to the fact that he hasn’t won a doubles match outside of the friendly confines of the Farmers duo since 5/18. That’s 0-10 over the last 10 non-Farmer doubles matches. But who’s counting.

Danny Moses Smells of Roses
 (7-3, 2 Bloodbaths) If you played Martin in singles as much as the Spaniel did, you wouldn’t smell as sweet either. However, the Spaniel comes out like he’s fresh form the floral doggie wash when you take out the head-to-head bouts with the Snipper. All three of the losses in this last ten have come in singles against Martin. He has perfumed the air with a 2010-leading doubles mark and has acquired a keen eye for the bloodbath, taking over the career lead in that notable category. Some might say there is a disturbing hint of cat piss in the otherwise glorious odor, but please consider the components of the off-aromas. Of his 27 singles losses, 23 have come against Martin. That’s right folks. In singles, he is 10-23 against Martin and 10-4 against everyone else. I dare anyone else to play Martin 33 games in singles and come out smelling even half as sweet. Dan smells just fine, thanks.

Owendow of Opportunity (5-5, 3 Hangers, Flood) The Zulu has made the most of what has been placed before him and is now a solid mid-table player worthy of more than passing mention. He has grown keener at scoring deep and certainly has provided more than a few wake up calls for the overconfident sleepwalkers. While it is unlikely that his increased acumen can puzzle out a run at the title, the possibility of a top three finish can no longer be dismissed with a chuckle. It appears the Social has taken a pry bar to the painted-shut windows of his stifling old house. The window is now ajar. Will he fly to even greater heights or will he grow lead feathers and plummet?

Affadavid (4-6, Shutout) Here is a formal sworn statement of fact, signed by the author, often called the affiant, and witnessed by this here commissioner of oaths: The Chairman is good. Much better than the law of the land accounts for. His impressive nights get lost in the shuffle and his overall record does not stand up in court almost solely  due to his miserable singles record. Take away his 7 singles losses and you have yourself a third place shuffler at 50%. Don’t talk ill of Dave, he’ll sue you for slander.

Leeking But Still Afloat (3-7) Last week’s two wins to finish off the night were like a sinking captain plugging a leak and setting upon the task of fixing the water pump on the bailer. He’s taken on more than his share of water for some time, so it remains to be seen if he can transform his ravaged craft into something ship-worthy. For now, at least he has stopped sinking. Weather permitting, he’ll probably keep himself above the drowning mark. If another storm rolls through, however, he just might go down with the ship.

Scotterbrain (3-7, Hanger) Who knows what’s going on, but the Good King is more than a bit out of sorts lately. Sure, he seems to have successfully shaken off a crippling slump, but concerns about his lack of focus do not seem misplaced. His mind seems tossed and his efforts have been mixed greens at best. His excellent early 2010 form seems to have abandoned him. The underlying change in strategy that served as the catalyst for his fine early run has either fallen victim to inconsistent execution or has grown ineffective against ever-evolving competition. One thing for certain is that his unwelcome habit of bumping the table has begun to be a problem again, prompting others to discuss appropriate penalties. All that said, we all know how LeBeautiful Lebold can be. However, if the Good King wishes to avoid falling in with the peasants, the scattered mess upstairs will have to be quickly sorted out.

Gerardamalan Sinkhole (1-9, Shutout) Everything that gets near him disappears into the abyss. Yet, somehow, there he is, still in contention for the 2010 Golden Hammer. Plus, he says he’s got some friends living down in Guatemala City and they say its merely a small ditch. “Damn media and their photoshop artists trying to keep the Latin Americans down in a hole!” That may be, but I’m not going near Gerard without a parachute.

and James Vierra Smells Like Soup.