Citizen Cane (67-37 , 64.4%)– Sure, there’s 64.4% chance of Martin beating you, but that pales in comparison to the 99.9% chance he will reply to this post with yet another candy cane picture. Ruthless both at the table and the keyboard, the EBMB has once again bombarded us from all sides with a steady barrage of hangers, shutouts, and … well … pictures of cane-curious black guys. Needless to say, this all-out assault must end. However, many have tried to lick him before, only to end up on the business end of the lollipop. Preferring not to follow a linear pattern for success, this Engaging Business Magnate Boy prefers to let his winning do its own talking through a tapestry of flashbacks, letting the mystery unfold before you, one suck picture at a time.
Das Vid (20-1, 55.6%)– Like a German Sub rising from the depths, this U-boat captain has surprised the fleet early. Last week, he had to retreat into the depths to recoup his losses. Still, with European styling and sneaky speed, he is truly a match for any seafaring foe. His farts may smell like a dozen sweaty German shipmen, but check out the cinematography! Will this edgy, artsy piece of work rise on the bubbles of critical acclaim or sink into obscurity like a depth charge shell? With many battles to come, it is yet be determined who rules the high seas.
Sean of the Dead (8-16, 33.3%)– What started out as a normal day at the Wherehouse has turned into a comic horror film for the Adjuster. He was simply strolling through his day, wearing some dick-ass tie, when all of a sudden he noticed that the harmless fathers that once surrounded him had transformed into the walking, flesh-eating, undead. He has managed to scrounge up a shovel from his tool shed to defend himself against the howling, soulless mob, but it doesn’t look good for the man that earlier in the year promised that he would one day have the hammer as his own. Don’t bother trying to eat those words, Sean. The zombies can easily eat them for dessert.
Lee-Wee’s Absent Adventure (0-0, 0%) – No story here. Just wanted to start calling him Lee-Wee.