Duke-Dub Blue Parrots – Every year, Duke-Dub haters fill out their tournament brackets in one of two ways: (1) Pick the hated Blue Parrots to advance and win again, conceding their opposite allegiances and hopes, but giving them a chance to win the office pool; or (2) Pick against the odds and the Blue Parrots, knowing it is a fool’s errand of false hope that gives them no chance at cashing in with their workmates. With a 13-3 record in February, it looks like this year will be another year like every year. Quick! Someone! While he’s distracted by the Garibaldi Clam dance! Snatch the winning pedigree papers from his back pocket! We need a bracket buster!
Chairmindiana Hoochiers – Key injuries and a distinct lack of effort seem to have rattled the formerly #1-ranked Hoochiers. While most agree that they will be a force to be reckoned with come tourney time, the fact that four of the five players left a recent game to pick mushrooms in the adjoining field has many questioning their focus. Whether they put it together or not, there’s certainly no question that the Chairmindiana cheerleaders are the finest in the land.
Michigan Stat Sparkans – Stat schools always get a bad rap. They are always treated like the pesky younger sibling at their brother’s graduation shouting “Homo!” as he is handed his diploma. The family sits, shocked and embarrassed in the auditorium, wishing the younger one had the polish of the older. However, with a 11-5 run in February, his family might even start coming to the games again. Also, to be fair, his older brother is kind of a homo.
Louisvic Cardinal Sins – Louisvic was a tough nut to crack in January, posting a terrific 12-7 mark. The league soon found the nutcrackers, smashing the nuts into a creamy, spreadable 3-8 February butter. Whatever happens in March, let’s just hope the Cardinal Sins keep their madness inside their robe.
Wiswansin Badjusters – At first glance, Wiswansin looks like it has all the weapons needed. Then, it shoots itself in the foot. Following an impressive 7-5 January, a 3-10 Feburary has the Badjuster faithful questioning their ideology. Consistency on the court will be needed if Wiswansin has designs on bringing home any hardware not named “the candy man.”
U.C.S.A. – Pretty sure it stands for University of California Sucking Ass. The team promised a return to the glory days after starting the year with a humble 4-6 January. Their answer in February? 4-6. People want to believe in this storied university. The history is rich with tradition. However, if the ghost of famed coach John Wooden were to visit now, he would see current coach John Woodie throwing up his own genitals week after week. Not a pretty sight. Once known as the Bruins, it may be time to drop the “B”.
Lorenzaga Talldogs – This mid major is bigger than you think. After an atrocious 1-10 run in January, the Tall dogs righted themselves, posting an impressive 8-4 record in February. While the Talldogs will likely not get the respect in the seedings, they could make some serious noise in the tournament this year. For Lorenzaga, Its all about playing well at the right time. And being really tall.
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Ellsmore State Moonwater Drinkers