Preshow Cocktail: Frozen and the Art of Icicle Maintenance

Cold! Could the coldest TF night ever be upon us? 20 degrees in the shade they say.The second of three trips to Vendetta should warm our cockles. The man in the wool vest leads by a sheep’s pube, but Scrap Pap and Pennsylvania 6-500 are chipping at the thin ice.

Edin-brrr: As a result of “Statgate”, Extra Burly Mammoth Breath finds himself the hunted rather than the hunter. Two threatening cavemen loom on the frozen tundra, their sharpened spears aimed with singular purpose: Send the the wooly-breasted beast into extinction. Mammoth hunting is hard, however. Especially when the beast can run. Brother Wool has gone 15-7 in the last month and with a return to favored stomping grounds, the one beast stampede shows no signs of stopping. However, the lead is as thin as new ice and he could be in for an unfavorable breakthrough. After all, one wool is enough for all of us.

Ice Scrapper – The fire of Statgate might have melted Scrapper’s heroic ice sculpture down to size, but no one can argue that ice is running in the veins of this killer over the last month. The Oppressive Chill Deliverer has cooled off the fleet to the tune of 17 wins to just 5 losses since 11/3. With 09 being a tale of fire and ice for the Volatile Volunteer, he has chosen the right time to go on a hot streak. Or is that a cold-blooded romp. What is this meta for anyway?

Silent Iceassin – It seems only weeks ago that we were all but handing the 2009 Golden Hammer to B*****heart. Since then his assets have been frozen and others have skated by. However, everyone knows you can’t freeze a Toona. With cold nights on foreign tables behind him, the Silent one is due for a thaw. Better to not stand under the eaves. The icicles above are ready to fall.

Zamboni Drivers – Snowborde, Owenter Wonderland, Santa Foz, and the Figure Scotter will once again do their best to hipcheck the leaders to the wall. But, like cold comrades gazing at western store windows, this year’s prize is truly beyond the reach of their fingerless gloves. Dreams of 2010 will burn like hopeful embers over the chilly end of 2009. And, truly, who hasn’t burned over a chilly end before?

Jack Froth