Preshow Cocktail: Hal’s-yon Days

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St. Daniel on Hal-owed ground – Danliness is next to godliness at Hal’s. He has won his last 10 matches on Stinky Pete, a stretch including 2 shutouts and 3 floods. If he tries to tell you this is not his favorite table, remind him that he has never lost a singles match on the table. That’s right, never. Of course, he’s only played 7 singles matches there, but still. He is 28-15 all-time for a TFC-leading percentage of 65.1%. However, on all tables, the saint has been merely human lately, going 5-5 over his last 10 matches.

Martin Soldier Rides Away
 – At 27-15 all-time at Hal’s, the Ever Brawny Milestone Breaker is only one win behind St. Daniel in terms of virtuosity on Stinky Pete. Despite also being 5-5 over his last 10 on all tables, the Snipper still has a substantial lead in his bid to retain the Hammer in 2010. It is also worth noting that although his torrid pace has slowed, he has still won 16 of his last 25 games. That is likely a more than good enough rate to hold off all comers.

Scrap Happens – Scrappy Pappy is on an unbelievable march. He has won 27 of his last 30 matches, the last three with full drama and Autumn Cup attached. This high winning rate will, of course, be virtually impossible to sustain. However, maintaining this rate is probably the only thing that will make him a relevant Hammer contender down the stretch. He has already stretched the odds very thin. The bubble’s got to burst sometime, right?

Coming Soon: Scott Trek II – The Wrath of Kong – It is as if he has been banished on a far away planet for past crimes awaiting his chance at revenge. It seems a hundred years have passed since the name of Kong put fear in the hearts of those in the Federation. Well, my friends, vengeance is coming. We don’t know the exact release date or which theater it will play out at, but it is coming soon. They still don’t know if Clooney is available for the starring role, but Lee Majors has already said he’d do it should George not sign up. Anyway, check you bicycle helmets before you put them on. Kong just might have placed one of those creepy ear bug things in there. The Wrath of Kong might just stun audiences tonight at a theater near you.

Golden Moldy
 – With agricultural distractions at the forefront of Dave’s lobe, improving his 33% record on Stinky Pete is likely not a “high” priority. Yasgur has had some of his best nights at Hal’s, however, including a 4-0 night in March.  If he does indeed drag his broken balls out tonight, the Hernia Pet might just be talking “golden boy” rather than “molding joy”.

Head Zuwin, Tails Zulus– Out again tonight, Zulu will not be able to tip his 50/50 scale at Hal’s. He is 4-4 all time on Stinky Pete, including a 3-0 night back in 2009. Despite being egregiously omitted in last week’s write-up, the Zulu made it out to the Coppa. However, due to his social nature, he just cannot be counted on to attend. “I may be a Zulu warrior,” Owen recently stated, “but I also have a life, dude.” It is worth noting that when he was saying that, he sounded exactly like a chicken.

Absentlee Ballot
 – Sure, he has an active win streak of 12 games, including a 10-0 night of dominance. Sure, he’s been out recently to re-confirm his TFC status. Sure, he’s Johnny Jetlag just back from the Big Apple. However, does anyone else think it a bit convenient that FosNY has checked out on the table he is 3-11 on?

and Gil Gerard as Buck Rogers
 – He’ll sure fly in on a spaceship and speak of his travels through time while he continues to remain in perennial contention. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a wormhole thing.

Timix Watch – How do you know when it is bedtime at Tim’s house? When the big hand touches the little hand.

Sorrow may possibly be harvested again this week.
Chris has his phaser on maybe.