Preshow: Cocktails

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Martini – Leaving opponents shaken and slurred, the Ever Bitter Martini Breath once again has the hammer in his sights. Talk all you want, but his crotch grab worthy last puck will make you shut ver mouth.  No need to say more. Olive you alone with those sobering thoughts. 

Old Fashalened – In keeping with tradition, the Scrappy One has once again begun to muddle success with bitters and sugar and sip sweetly at the contenders’ party.  2010’s late summertime roll propelled him from obscurity into the argument, but things are different this year. Is this year’s concoction more potent or is it just simple syrup?

Screaming Owengasm – With only 14 games played, one could take issue with Zulu’s high place in the standings.  I mean, if Martin’s games accounted for an entire week, Owen’s games would only amount to a few moments. I guess a few moments is all it takes to reach an Owengasm?

Scottch – Kong’s brand of shuffleboard elixir is to be taken neat and with a bar back.  You’ll be hit really hard by the first sip, be allowed to cool down, and then be completely leveled. That warm feeling will quickly go cold when the morning delivery truck runs you over while bringing you the unhappy totals from the night before.

Screwdavid – Like Vodka and orange, the Chairman’s game is an optimistic crutch. It is equal parts sunny delight and one part goose grey cloud.  Lately, it’s been all goose.  As of now, you’ll find him sleeping under the patio
furniture, but he’ll get those tiki torches lit before too long.

Sean on the Beach – Waves comes in, waves go out.  The Adjuster , the castaway washed up where the sea meets sand. He has survived the shipwreck, but what now?

The rest in brief, due to time: 
Lorenzerac –  Presence by absinthe.
Manhattdan – Truly classic cocktail, bastardized in 2011 by hack barkeeps.
Gerard Marnier – His reputation precedes him. He can’t be bothered by winning games. Ah sweet orange!
Tim Collins –  What do young roller derby queens drink before skating? You guessed it.