Interview with the Hiatus

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Statscrap: First of all, thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come down to the studio. You must be busy, what with spring beckoning. Hiatus: A bit slow really, what with the groundhogging and all. S:You bring up a good point. So, how does it feel to be groundhogged? H: Not good, my friend. What most people do not realize is the abrasive nature of the ground hog peter. It is as if the proctologist had just returned from a tweed ride and failed to remove his vintage riding gloves. S: Good Lord, man! I haven’t pictured anything that horrific since the candyman plague of 2011. How about we back the elk out of mating season and get back to the bright side. Why have so many chosen to groundhog these days? H: Punk weather, I guess. Shuffleboard is like a giant, rotating magnet to the Thirsties. The wet and cold trims their ride and sends them to the table like so many metal flakes. Magnetic flakes can rust too, you know. S: Too true. So how would you propose they go about dispelling the gray and ringing in the bridge season? H: Two words: Tea bagging. (Laughs) No, seriously: New bars. Freshen things up with a few new, or at least revisit the infrequent. As in, leave the hiatus be and ogle the rare. S: Ogle the rare? H: Ogle the rare. That is, if you’re not too busy sniffing the saddle. S: Fair enough. So what’s all this noise about the ring-a-ding? H: You can certainly catch it if you’re not careful. If you don’t find it, it will likely find you. Wait a while and soon there will be a lawn jockey marshal putting an eviction notice on your apartment. They got enzymes prepped to clean clock you, so you best not fuck with it. S: Word. So, what with the foul pissing from the heavens today, what do you think the Thirsties will resort to tonight? H: Well, I hear its up to Kong and Silent Ass. Maybe they’ll get all sip and sit, but if they truly know me, they’ll build a Swan Island fire to fight the dog mist. S: Someone would have to bring recycling for starter and maybe some kindling, but I am sure they could get it done. It might be wet, but it’ll be high 50s when they head out. Plus, if someone is keen enough to bring a flask full of “USA water”, the night might be all about the ride. H: Now you’re talking. They might even end up at Maui’s after. S: Well, thanks again for coming down today, May you be spared the tweed treatment tonight and going forward. H: Thanks.