Awards Night 2011

General Stats
130 bar visits
25 new bars (up from 22 last year): Agenda, Bar of the Gods, Bazi, Bike Bar, Bunk Bar, Cascade Barrel House, C-Bar, Central, Clyde Common, Dig A Pony, Elk Rock, Fixin’ To, Foggy Notion, Momo, My Father’s Place, Paddy’s, Prost, Robo Taco, Rontoms, Ship Ahoy, Slow Bar, Star Bar, Straight from NY Pizza, Tube, Yes and No.
5 bar nights- 2, up from one last year:
2/3 (Slow Bar, Beulahland, Sandy Hut, Red Flag, Holman’s)
3/15 (Central, Momo, Sandy Hut, Red Flag, Holman’s)
Most frequented bars: Not calculated this year, but Sandy Hut wins.
Most fathers out: 9 (12/20, Tavern on Denver) New fathers: Sean, Lorenzo, Doug, Brian
Thirsty Cycling 2009 (3059): 2010 (2967) ; 2011 (unrecorded); 2012 the calculation resumes

Thirsty Shuffleboard
443 games played in 2011 (357 in 2010)
Dan played in a record 316 games
Golden Hammer: Martin (61.8%, best percentage ever, beating his own record of 60.6% in 2009)
Big Nights:  4-0 (MBSL 2/8, Hal’s; DBSP 5/6, Rumpus; DBLK, 10/25, Black Cat)
Blankenstein: Martin (17), Dan (15) Hangman: Martin (44), Dan (35) both beating previous annual record of 34
Floodbath – Dan (15), Martin (8) Kielbasa-Nostra – New members Lorenzo (2) and David. Dan is Don with 7 career. Dan registered a record 4 K’s this year. Scott and Martin matched their former record totals from 2010 with 3 again in 2011. Scott’s 3 in a measly 118 games played. Shalen and Lorenzo both had 2. David had 1.
Double Hangers – (still the rarest of notables with a mere 3 recorded all-time) Dan (2), Scott (1). Half of the career total (6) registered in 2011.
High end – Dan B***** (11, 5/22 Sandy Hut)
Streaker – Shalen (13, 5/3-5/17)
Stag (Singles Player of the Year) – Sean 3-1, 75%, Shalen 11-6 64.7%, Martin 73-46 61.3%
Uber Ally (Doubles Player of the Year) – Martin 61.6%, Owen, 57.9%
Gruppo (Best Doubles Team) – David/Owen, Owen/Shalen = 100%, Note: Farmers 77.8%
Century Award (100 Wins) – Martin Barrett (179, highest ever), Dan B***** (161, 2nd highest), Shalen Parker
Doubles Century (100 doubles wins) – Martin (106) – Dan had 111 last year
Half Carmel (50% or better): Martin, Shalen, Owen, Dan, David.
Milestones passed in 2011: Martin 800 games; 100 hangers; 50 shutouts; 200 singles wins Dan 700 games Shalen 500 games Scott 300 games David 200 games

Shalen’s Awards:
Ride of the Year:
10 years in America (Leisure, The Nest, Sandy Hut – 8 riders out)
Debut on Denver (Denver, Tiga)
Bar of the Year: Star Bar
Heroic Endeavor: Snowpocolypse 1/11/2011
The Chronic (Best Attendance): not calculated this year, will return in 2012
Rookie of the Year: Lorenzo (Transgressions the mitigating factor.)
Nutbuster award: Dan B*****
Quote of the Year: (Tie) Unsubscribe now (Dan) & Groundhog the Hiatus (David)
Best Eats: Tiga Feast 12/13 (Mixed Nuts, Bread and butter, Deviled eggs, Calimari, Xmas limas, Butternut squash tart, Bacon and egg tart, 2 pulled chickens, 2 bottles of La Chouffe, 4 bottles of Ninkasi Gren Horn aka Tricerihops
Silent assassin – Anal siesta sins
Gome by schmidnight – Bongs chimed mighty
Pre Pack: Rack Pep
Thirsty Fathers: Farther Shitty
Solstice –> lice toss
Groundhog the hiatus —> oh tooth under haggis
Sniff the Ginger —> gift finger hens
Usa Water From the Moon – u no matter moofwash
Obsessive Champion Disorder – i dress bovine chasm pie doors
Peirogi—> i grope i
Sincerely —> lyce rinse
Scrappy —> spy crap

Martin’s Awards:
Quotes of the Year: Great night, indeed. ‘Cept me grapes and stem were frozen like Lake Flaccid. – Sean If I ever hang a carabiner off my belt loop, kill me. – David I will never ever, ever do pushups in a bar – David Fuck, I’m retarded! – anonymous Woke up at lunchtime covered in moss. Still putting it together – Martin All my scars are beautiful. Don’t do coke, it’s my favorite drug- Grants Pass All my toys are purple – Martin Say you’re a bloke, right? Owmuch foranooka? an when I say one I mean two, right? TFC – it means Thirsty Fathers Approved – Owen
Transgression of the Year: Adjuster brings his wife to the Prepack.
Socially responsible community award: 1-800-Table-Rape hotline
Invention of the Year: (tie) Olde Country White Horn & Ifax
Phrase for the Urban Dictionary: Groundhog the Hiatus
Cosmic confluence meets pop culture meets coincidence: DL and MB witness “Hide Your Beer, Skate Zombies Ahead” Caldecott Award for Literature: Amazing Adventures of Dub-Dub, the Win-Whore
Phrases needing clarification: Showering. Come on in. We’re gonna get flakes later. Whateva ye got in yeraus, mate, I’m eatinit. Stomachsore Laughter Award: “Say you’re a bloke, right? Not just any old bloke, but a bloke bloke, right? And you’ve got a bird peckin on the end of yer bloke” or “You look familiar” / “Come back when you’ve had some kids .. Oh that’s right, you’ve already had one”
Email of the year: I’ll be at the Hutch at 9 tonight. Scott just ruled out 2 bars cuz of his future ex girlfriend issues. Dude … I thought you were gay. I liked it when you were gay. I felt sexy around you, like an Alpha Twinkie, you know … vulnerable a little bit … You chasing me on your mountain bike in the Springwater Trail. – Owen
Dan’s Award: Win Whore (aka Dub-Dub): Pink cumber-bun to Martin
Scott’s Award: Man Whore: El Diablo cock ring (courtesy of two gals at Cathy’s)