Shuffledome!

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Listen all! This is the truth of it. Fighting leads to killing, and killing gets to warring. And that was damn near the death of us all. Look at us now! Busted up, and everyone talking about hard rain! But we’ve learned, by the dust of them all… Bartertown learned. Now, when men get to fighting, it happens here! And it finishes here! Two men enter; one man leaves! It’s the week after the Snowpocalypse, people.  The world is in ruins, chaos is in the air and everyone has a claim to the Golden Hammer.  It’s January 18th and we’ve yet to play one game of shuffleboard.  I say we skip the soak and meet at Hal’s at 8pm sharp for some drinking and bloodletting.  We’ve been calling early nights lately and combined with a long soak that just leads to (shudder)… sobriety.  That, my friends, will never do.  It’s time for some bloodletting.
The Cast:
MasterDanster:  Who runs Bartertown?  Dan runs Bartertown.  Louder!  Dan runs Bartertown!  But he’s two people.  Will it be the smart, crafty Master or the big, ungainly Blaster that shows up?
Max (AKA Shalen):  “I ain’t Captain Parker. I’m the guy who carries Mr. Dead in his pocket.” But is that a puck in his pocket…?
Humungus (AKA Martin):  “Smegma crazies to the left! The gate! Gayboy berserkers, to the gate!”  The bad boy of the last film, Martin will, sadly not be appearing in the Thunderdome.
Auntie Entity 
(AKA Scott): “Do you know who I was? Nobody. Except on the day after, I was still alive. This nobody had a chance to be somebody.”  Crafty and a major character, but sadly dresses in women’s clothing and sings terrible theme songs.
Dr. Dealgood (AKA David): “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls… Hernia time’s here.”
The Lost Children
 (AKA Owen, Gerard, Tim, etc.): “Time counts and keeps countin’, and we knows now finding the trick of what’s been and lost ain’t no easy ride. But that’s our trek, we gotta’ travel it. And there ain’t nobody knows where it’s gonna’ lead. Still in all, every night we does the tell, so that we ‘member who we was and where we came from… but most of all we ‘members the man that finded us, him that came the salvage. And we lights the city, not just for him, but for all of them that are still out there. ‘Cause we knows there come a night, when they sees the distant light, and they’ll be comin’ home.”….Where the hell have you guys been? “Thunderdome’s simple. Get to the weapons, use them any way you can. I know you won’t break the rules, because there aren’t any.”  – Kong

After chattting with pretty porogressives at the EcoHaus, I rolled the short distance up to Hal’s expecting a post-apocolyptic shuffledome showdown. With Kong’s impressively sustained, IMDB-informed, Road Warrior preshow writeup, I would not have been surprised to see the good king in full costume. However, the walk into Hal’s was more Sanford & Son than retro-cinema. Plus, Max-Master Lebold was not even there. However, with Stinky Pete before us in all its waxed glory, the fine complement of fathers made good use of our quarters in mixed play and at happy hour. The Silent Assassin and the Chairman versus others and then against me and the Adjuster, Sean Welsh. The Adjuster registered two hangers on his second night of shuffleboard and also got his first win. Now hooked, we can expect to see him in the standings for 2011. With much more of the night before us, we tested the Subaru chimnney and then rolled down to our favorite new Star Bar. Great DJ again. “Back in the New York Groove.” Kong arrives, with a watertight excuse, and we settle into the couches and read the menus. We establish a rule that Star Bar cannot ever be the first bar of the night so as not to spoil its afterbar charm. Bravinheart leaves to go jump out of someone’s birthday cake and the group is dismissed shortly after. I roll home over dry pavement and clearing skies. We may not need another hero, but another night like this would be just fine. – Scrappy

First of all, I’d like to say there were attractive females when we showed up at Hals last night! But, by the time we exited, the only person left at the bar was an old man who was also desperately trying to escape. We escaped for all of ten feet to the sport wagon and her glorious chimney. Shalen may have been only cyclist, but I did manage to get him in the back seat of my car… Star Bar should be called Rock Star Bar. – Dr. Dealgood

By the time the weighted puck left my hand, I knew I had a problem. My name is Sean Welsh, and I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to shuffle board. Hal’s is great. Love that little hole in the wall. A PBR and a well whiskey for $3.75? And the well whiskey was surprisingly good. Then off to the Star Bar where DJ Gummy Bear was cranking out the 70’s glam rock. I would have sworn I had been transported back to my youth: Ace Frehley was in the air. Creem magagzine articles donned the bathroom walls and natural boob’d 70’s center folds on the menu. Why would I ever leave this place? Looking forward to next week gentlemenz. – Sean

Night Stats:
Attendance:  Dan, Shalen,  Scott, Dave, Sean
Bars: Hal’s, Star Bar
Beers, Liquor: Ninkasi, PBR, Well Whiskey
Food: Garlic & Yam Fries
Weather: Wet roads, but no real rainfall. Mid 40s.